The Obligatory Doomsday Post

December 19, 2012

Well, we’re sure you’ve all heard the news by now.

The world is ending on Friday.

*WOMP*

*WOMP*

Even the meteorologists are stumped. The weather just seems to stop.

We’ve seen the survival stories on the news. The sale of underground bunkers has increased by a gazillion percent. But here at Ed Schmidt, we aren’t encouraging you to go out and buy a stockpile of antibiotics and canned food. Nope. Don’t do that.

Here at Ed Schmidt, we encourage you to live by the philosophy of YOLO.

What’s YOLO, you ask? YOLO stands for “You Only Live Once”. Because let’s face it, if it’s truly our day to die, we might as well go out with a bang.

Ed Schmidt’s Five Step Guide to YOLO

Step One: You finally get to tell off your boss. And your mother-in-law. And your nosey neighbor. And your ex.

There are people in our lives that we have to be nice to, but it just kills us inside. Stop dying inside! Let it all out. We only have a little bit of time left anyway.

There’s your boss, the one who takes credit for your work, and yet he never gives you a raise… Yeah, now is your chance to tell him how you really feel. Just let him have it.

Or how about that mother-in-law, who constantly says you never measure up to her secret family recipe when it comes to baking that Christmas ham? Now is the time to tell her that you don’t even like Christmas ham. As a matter of fact, if we survive this thing, you’re serving prime rib this year.

And what about that nosey neighbor? The one who lets his dog poop on your lawn? That guy needs to be told to stop looking out his windows! It’s creepy! And you’re sick of stepping in doggy-do!

And then there’s your ex… the one who broke your heart and left with your best friend. Oh wait, you’ve probably already told that person off. Never mind.

Step Two: Quit your job.

You really don’t have a choice in the matter now (please refer to Step One).

Besides, did you really want to spend your last days working your fingers to the bone? No way. Go home and spend it with your family.

Step Three: Stop dieting.

From this day forward, and for the rest of your life (which ends on Friday), all food consumed shall be covered in bacon or chocolate. And sometimes both bacon and chocolate at the same time.

Hey, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. Bacon covered chocolate is actually pretty amazing.

Step Four: Don’t pay your bills.

What are they going to do? Shut the cable off on Monday? BRING IT ON CABLE COMPANY!

Step Five: Spend all your on money on cool cars. 

You can’t take it with you when you go. And who doesn’t love an awesome car?

We have some pretty sweet pre-owned inventory right now.

This 2008 Audi R8 is a steal at $88,999.

Think about how fast you could drive away from falling meteors and zombies!

And hey, if we are all still here on Saturday… we super appreciate your business.

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The Obligatory Doomsday Post