How To Protect Your Company from a Zombie Apocalypse

October 9, 2012

If there’s one thing that keeps HR people and business owners up at night, it’s threat of a zombie apocalypse. Can we all agree on this?

The threat of a zombie take over is something that the CDC openly talks about, but OSHA just sweeps it under a rug, as if zombies don’t even exist! Shame on you, OSHA!

We know where to send people during a tornado, fire, or hazardous material spill. But our workplaces are totally unprepared when it comes to brain eating zombies walking through the front doors! We need guidance!

Look, you just can’t rationalize with brain eating zombies. The safest option is to evacuate the premises, and get as many employees out of the workplace as possible.

Here at the Ed Schmidt Auto Group, we know we have an unfair advantage. We know we will survive a zombie outbreak because we are well trained and have the proper tools in place. We are surrounded by Zombie-Apocalypse-Get-Away-Vehicles (or ZAGAVs, as we like to call them).

We’ve made a video for all of you, demonstrating the features of a ZAGAV. At the end of the video, we took a huge safety risk, found a real zombie, and actually teach you how to properly pick up employees in need… and then run over any brain eating zombies.

We’ve risked encountering a real zombie because we not only care about our own employees at the Ed Schmidt Auto Group, but we care about yours. Can you imagine if the world was filled only with car salesmen? Neither can we! We care about saving all of humanity!

In addition, we’re pretty sure (read: we’re not sure at all) this vehicle will work for all other types apocalypses (read: Mayan, End of Days, Alien, Computer Uprising, Natural Disaster, Fast Spreading Disease, and/or Nuclear War).

You are welcome, OSHA. You are welcome, Companies. You’re welcome, Employees.

Editor’s note: This video is currently pending OSHA approval. We highly doubt it will ever be approved.Special thanks goes to Andy, Tim, Mo, and Mike for making HR Pros a zombie apocalypse safety training video (read: we can tell they’re total HR brown-nosers).

Meredith Soleau was supposed to be a famous country singer, but her parents made her go to college and major in something “real.” She graduated with a B.S. in Business from the University of Toledo, and landed a gig as a Human Resources Director at Ed Schmidt. Her employees don’t really like her singing voice, but they do seem to like her, so maybe she’s made the right career choice. 

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